So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
