I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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