Your dad touched me again.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need a beard to bite.
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