what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
