smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
