dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
MIDGETS
????
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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