I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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