We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
