she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
