i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
