I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
