Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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