Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize