I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
