Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So many bounce houses so little time
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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