It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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