Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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