she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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