We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
there is puke in my bra ... again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
