but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
