have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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