Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
