im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
