Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
