now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
