I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
