I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
