Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I cockslap morals
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
