69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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