he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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