I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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