awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
