Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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