That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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