somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
