my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize