That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
