dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
