Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
