I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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