all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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