Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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