It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
