I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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