your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
