I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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