I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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