living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
