We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
