Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
