he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
