She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
