Don't make out with my wife yet
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
