Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
