I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
