Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
