Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
