i think my tv is drunk
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
