You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
being pregnant is like rehab
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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