Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
