How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
