I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
