I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
