dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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