all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
