Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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