Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
