Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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