The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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