Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
then he tried to convert me to islam
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
