My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
