she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
