i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
there is glitter all over my balls
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
