Who did Billy Mays play for?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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