Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
