I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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