My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
