he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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