Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
