i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
